“Once a good girls’ gone bad, she’s gone forever…” —Jay Z, Song Cry
I’m what one might call a good girl. Not perfect. I’m spoiled. As Beyonce says, “When I need attention, I tend to nag.” I can be frivolous with money. And I get horrid PMS…but I love hard and well. I spent my entire adult trying to perfect the love that I give. I am emotionally needy, but only because I have to replenish all that I give…
I hadn’t talked to a friend in the past few months. We live miles away, but she was my shoulder to lean on during my last (lack of) relationship. She was the one person I felt comfortable with enough to cry over someone so unworthy. She is a friend. When talked the other night and she told me that her mate had been unfaithful (too). Just like every female in my love life, her partner found it easier to get in someone else’s bed than to deal…I have no doubt that he loves her. But I know that love isn’t everything…
My friend is a dedicated mother. She has a son with special needs and twins—need I say more? Most of our conversations are about her children, husband and how she is giving them all. She is a beautiful person, shit, if she was a lesbian…I haven’t heard her complain, but I haven’t heard her talk about getting pampered or taking time out for herself, either.
She is a woman. And like most of us, she does what she feels she’s supposed to do, so there is no need to complain. You don’t get a medal for that, right? Whatever!!!
Beyonce and Ciarra are singing songs about being boys. Jazmine Sullivan is breaking windows out of cars…Song or no song, Karma is a bitch. If you are a cheater, or someone who takes wonderful beautiful things for granted—why? What is the point? Is it the high of risking what’s precious, or is it narcissism and feeling that you are the center of the universe and not caring about how bad it will hurt your lover? Why don’t cheaters fall for cheaters and leave the faithful people to themselves?
Let me know…
The 7 Signs of Cheating:
Perhaps the most heartbreaking feeling in the world is when you suspect your mate is cheating on you. You can easily become overwhelmed by feelings of betrayal and lack of trust.
But if you have suspicions about your mate’s faithfulness, it’s important to keep your head. After all, you could be completely wrong. Before you start making accusations, you should try to gather whatever evidence you can. Start by looking for these tell-tale signs he is cheating:
1. Your woman’s intuition tells you something is wrong…Feeling lonely when they’re around is the best way to describe it…
2. They tell you one thing and you find out another–they say they are going out with Keisha and them, but you see Keisha and them at the mall…
3. Lack of intimacy. You talk less and rarely spend time alone together. You get the feeling that you’re just not connecting anymore…Hello, anyone home???
4. Lack of sex…I’m tired…Yeah, ok…
5. They stop including you in things that used to be things that you do together…All of a sudden, they want to go to the market alone…
6. Being Secretive about things that they say are insignificant…Damn, baby, it’s not that deep…
7. You notice a strange number in his cell phone and he denies or lies about who it is. A friend who only has initials…
For anyone who needs to know the real definition of a REALLY TRUE FRIEND: MzSoul a.k.a MzSoulSista. I LOVE YOU GIRL!!! Need I say more? I’ll holla later.
So I was in a relationship and I remember this day like it just happened, I was already feeling like something was off or that he didnt love me anymore, so I called him that day and told him I want to come over, he told he didnt feel like picking me up, so I took the bus all the way over to his house only to be ignored. At that moment I went upstairs and just cried on the edge of the bed. I cried because I felt like this was all that was left for me, a life of loving someone who didnt have the time or the desire to love me back. I must have cried myself to sleep because he woke me up and asked me to move over, I guess I should have walked out but during this whole relationship he beat me down so much emotionally that I didnt have the self esteem to leave or say that I was to good for this. Eventually he broke it off with me, which left me confused and hurt and in the bed for weeks looking crazy, hair not done, bags on my face. I good friend of mine at the time came over to snap me out of it….. but see GOD works in mysterious ways because something out of the blue made her hack into he email account and there this email sat from this chick named Sara…. that name still get me mad. Saying that she loved him and he knows how she feels and that he has someone else but she will always love him, to say the least I went off , me and home girl took a ride and I ended up keying his car and busting his windows( because I paid for them motherfuckers) do i regret it…… hell no.
Atira!!! Let me find out you are the true “Bust your windows out your car” girl!
I know all too well the feeling you are talking about. Teh best I can describe it is, feeling detached. It’s like you feel like something is missing and you don’t know why. It hits you like a ton of bricks. I know the feeling like the back of my hand now (that’s how many times I’ve been cheated on).
The last time, I cried, pleaded to God to not allow me back into a place that it took me so long to get out of the first time. I felt myself slipping back in to depression, and feeling less than…That shit passed so fast! I know, now, that you have to stay present. And presently, I am SO GOOD! I don’t have to be someone’s mommy/girlfriend, while they are somewhere being single…but I do wish I could meet my equal. *sigh*
Oh, and try pouring oil on clothes–it is so much more fun than the windows!
or cutting the crotch out of the jeans..LOL
good one bella…must try.